Since I no longer make regular entries in my journal I've decided to rename it Tara's Journal Archives. I invite you to read the trials and tribulations of my life from 2000 onward!
back in Tara's time machine!
One reviewer of republican candidate Mitt Romney's speech said he expressed his feelings about how Americans have "freedom, freedom of religion..." Say what? The man who's against marriage equality, reproductive rights, in favor of reinstating DADT and against GLBTQ rights? That's freedom of religion? That's imposing his religion on others. How any GLBTQ person could say they're voting for him is beyond me and means they want to hurt me and my family. That, imo, is unconscionable.
Went to my 40th high school reunion in Las Vegas! It was the first time, except for perhaps a few, of my classmates have seen the 'new me.' Not only was I the photographer, but I also designed the new reunion website! Check it out here!
If there was a pill or treatment that you could've taken that would have stopped your compulsion to be female, would you have taken it?
I've though long and hard about this question and am still on the fence, though leaning toward yes. The reasons are it would've saved years of guilt and confusion. Of purging and throwing away my clothes, and sometimes my hormones, and considering myself "cured." Growing up in the 50s and 60s there were little resources and info on transgender people. Also, I had a good job as a diskjockey at a discotech and was in a band that was inches away from playing professionally. They both fell apart after I started hormones.
Though I did play professionally for a year in nightclubs in my late 20s, while I was vacillating back and forthgoing on and off hormones. I also played in the Lipstick Dollheads, a three-piece classic rock band, in a hotel lounge post-op. So it's not that transitioning prevented me from doing what I wanted and perhaps the band I had while a DJ would've accepted me as a woman. Who knows? But I wish I hadn't drifted for years, in gender limbo, not fully living as a man or woman.
But there was not such a pill and there isn't today. Would I advocate parents intervene in their transgender child's life and make them take such a treatment if it was available? Certainly not. That should be up to the child when they're able to fully grasp the ramifications, and expense, of transitioning IF such a treatment was available. Though living as both male and female have given me a unique perspective on life.
Pickax murderer gets 25 years to life
Pickax murderer, David French, was sentenced to 25 years to life (possibility of parole after 25 years) for the murder of Frank Johnson, by judge Micheal Marcus.
I was a character witness at the trial. French remained defiant, expressing in his closing statements that he was innocent and felt "trapped" by Mr. Johnson, yet French could've left at anytime. If it was self-defense, as French claimed, why did he escape out of a third-story window and not flag down a police officer, then hide out in a storage unit in South Dakota?
Also, French claimed he wasn't transgender, but intersexed. However, given his penchant for lying I don't give that claim much credence.
Trans defendant found guilty of 2007 pickax murder
David Wayne French was found guily of murder, domestic violence (first degree), by a Portland, OR jury. The jury rejected the claim of self-defense. He faces life with the possibility of parole in 25 years. Sentencing is scheduled on May 5th.
I knew the victim, Frank Johnson, and was a character witness at the trial. The defendant tried to portray Frank as violent and that he attacked French, but the jury didn't buy it. Frank was a mild-mannered, peaceful person. Though French identifies as female he presented as male during the trial.
This website has been a labor of love since 1997, when I started living full-time as a woman. Like many, it started as a few simple pages, feebly created with Netscape's webpage editor. Then I graduated to Dreamweaver, a more robust website creation program and spent many nights burning the midnight oil learning the software until my eyes looked liked two hatching eggs.
As I grew, so did my website. I'm constantly refining, adding, pruning, correcting mistakes. It's like owning a home, there's always something to fix. When I get an email, or someone writes in my guestbook, that this website has helped them it makes it all worthwhile. If you find a typo or dead link please bear with me - I'll get to it eventually.
If you're trangender you're speciala twin-spiritand should be proud of who you are, despite any claims to the contrary!
I'm sorry it's been so long since an update! Repairs are complete on the duplex and we have renters in the opposite side. They are paying a good deal of our mortgage and we give them a (hopefully) good home. We cleared a space in the back year for a garden and are thinking about getting chickens!
I've picked up the guitar again, and Nancy and I have talked about getting electronic drums. I've played them and she wants to learn! Rock on!
We've been busy with real estate and the duplex we recently bought. We were glad to get out of our small, one-bedroom apartment. Being homeowners offers a lot of opportunity (building equity, income) as well as work, and it seems there's always something that needs repair!
While walking home from a store I saw this young man, probably sleeping off a drinking binge, got out my trusty Canon Powershot camera and got this shot. His sign reads: "Need Samurai sword to regain my honor." I can only guess what the backstory is....
I was recently interviewed by author Rachel Shteir [The G-String Murders, Femmes Fatales: Women Write Pulp, and Striptease: The Untold History of the Girlie Show] for a book she's writing on shoplifting. She found this website and read My Story, wherein I described a period when I was too embarrassed to buy girl's clothes and makeup and resorted to shoplifting [Now I buy them like other people]. Hopefully, I can get a signed copy when her new book is published! Check back for updates.
I'm working on finishing my autobiography tentatively titled, Who She Wants to Be: Diary of a Transsexual Woman and am looking for an agent. If you are an agent and interested in helping publish my autobiography please email me! You can read the first chapter here!
If you got here by way of the old URL, then you know I moved this website to a new domain. Though it's the same, I've trimmed some dead wood and made cosmetic improvements. I value my visitors and want to provide accurate and interesting information, as well as peeks into my life, but foremost my goal is helping my sisters and brothers just starting their journey.
I found Jesus, he was behind the couch . . .
I don't know why I found that funny when I first read it years agoprobably due to consuming a mind-altering herb. Since my 20s, I'd been critical of Christians and Christianity in general; growing up with adults who attended church on Sundays - were kind and pious, then stabbed each other in the back the other six days of the week and because of their objections and condemnation of GLBTQ folk. Can you say hypocrite?
I first discovered the GLBT-friendly church MCC, or Metropolitan Community Church, when I used to attend a trans support group at the church, but was still too turned off to Christianity to go to any of their services. Years later, I found myself looking at MCC's website and noting how progressive and modern it lookednot the stuffy, sleep-inducing messages of other churches. Then one day I was talking to a post-op friend who said she'd met a mutual friend at MCC. At the time, I was going through depression that neither therapy, nor antidepressants, helped much. I asked if she'd like to go to a service and she said she would.
Next Sunday, dressed and madeup, we attended MCC's 11AM service. As soon as I walked in and saw people smiling at us I felt I was in the right place. These were all (or mostly) gays, lesbians and transgenders in a Christian church! We were greeted warmly, handed bulletins and found seats.
From the beginning of the service, I started sobbing and continued to throughout; the pain of my depression pouring out. When I got up to receive communion, not having attended a Christian church since childhood, I wasn't sure what to do, but watched the others. When it was my turn I opened my mouth, was given the little wafer dipped in grape juice, hesitated a few seconds then started to walk away. The server gently pulled me back and started speaking. I don't remember every word, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. I was smiling and happy when I got home; it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
I've continued to attend MCC, have become a member and even became a communion serveran honor I respect. Where's all this going? I know the pain, hardship, rejection and suffering we can endure. If you're going through a particularly hard, or painful, time think about checking to see if there's a MCC in your area (they are worldwide). They might help! MCC on Facebook
Besides the fact that we share the same name and pronounce it the same [Tar - a, not Ter - a], I admire her. In case you hadn't heard, Tara nearly lost her crown for hard partying in New York nightclubs involving alcohol and cocaine, but was given a second chance by Donald Trump (who owns the Miss USA pageant) if she sought treatment. She did and recently ended a 31-day stint at Caron Foundation rehab center in Wernersville, Pa. Last night she was on Jay Leno. She was honest, almost matter-of-fact about her alcoholism and recovery. Conner was poised and even joked with Leno, though didn't give any excuses for her excesses. She appeared to be an intelligent and levelheaded womanthat's my kind of Miss USA!
My friend Diedra and I were driving to Fry's and, along the way, stopped at Evergreen Aviation Museum home of the Spruce Goose. Besides the aforementioned behemoth [the name Hughes wasn't thrilled with], there were a plethora of aircraft, tanks, etc.
Tara gum? It's not a new flavor from Wrigley!
While scooping out some Breyers Vanilla Bean ice cream, that I didn't likeit had a metallic tasteto go with a slice of pumpkin pie ... ok, two slices, I looked at the ingredients and thought I saw Tara gum. Thinking I might be reading it wrong because it's after 2:00 am - doesn't everyone eat pie and ice cream after 2:00 am? I looked closer and there it was: Tara gum, made from the Tara tree! Gosh! It was nice of them to name a tree after me!
From the giggle dept: I was putting clothes in a dryer in our apartment building's laundry room, when the assistant manager walks and says, "You're going to laugh at me, but on the monitor the [pink] color of your shirt made me think your were naked." Apparently, some people have stripped down and literally washed the clothes on their backs! I hope none were residentsthat'd be barfy!