Because I make an attractive woman, I can usually pass easily. I'm occasionally read, but only about 10 percent of the time. It amazes me how people perceive me depends a lot on how I project myself. If it feel like a confident woman that's how people perceive and react to me. Sometimes I feel uneasy about my appearance, that's like a magnet and people sense my self-consciousness.

I've had some absolutely wonderful experiences as Tara that I'll always cherish! Experiences that never would've happened as a man. I read that women have richer lives and I have to agree and more fun, too! I have my down times when I question if I'm doing the right thing. But as I'm starting to look more womanly and don't need as much makeup to pass those times are diminishing.

I've already got a tentative job offer upgrading a small publication firm's computer systems up in Canada, close to the Arctic circle! He saw my services offered in a transgender news group and contacted me. I emailed my resume and evidently he liked what he saw. So, I may be spending six months in a little town in the frozen, uppermost regions of Canada! (I found out later the real reason why he wanted me up there and it wasn't for the job!)

8/15/97

Came out to my friend Brandi -- just showed up at her apartment. She said I looked great. The next night she invited a girlfriend over to meet me. Brandie introduced me to her and she said, "Where is he?" She thought I was a woman and "he" was someone else! Had a great evening. I answered their copious questions, then Brandie brought out a handfull of makeup for me. A few days later the three of us went shopping at a Ross (discount clothing store); they picked out two huge armloads of clothes for me! It was my first time in a women's fitting room. Many other girls were in there, giggling and looking in mirrors. It was exciting! When I came out to show them how I looked in a black tank dress they had six bras for me to try on! With a cart-load of clothes we headed towards the checkout, everything was only $75!

9/01/97

So much has been happening! The job in Canada fell through. Management suddenly changed it's mind and decided to hire someone locally. Where they're going to find someone with my qualifications in a little town of 3000 I don't know. It's just as well anyway, since he had ulterior motives!

Since I've been full-time as Tara life has been wonderful! It's great being accepted into the female community as one of their own. It's also fun to go up to people who used to know my old self and see their reaction. Unless they've seen me going through my transition most of them either don't recognize me or think I'm Taylor's "sister" (that's partially true!). I'll say "hi" and they'll look at me blankly until either I tell them, or they figure out who I am.

I was in a pharmacy the other day picking up my hormones and saw a clerk looking at me. I asked if she know who I was. She nodded and had asked another employee, "Didn't she used to be a he?" She was very supportive and we even compared the type of hormones we're taking. Before I left she squeezed my hand wished me luck.

I was returning a pair of pants I bought at a store and the clerk asked to see my ID. My license was still in male mode, so I leaned over and whispered, "I'm a sex change." She was very nice and accepting and said, "That's cool with me." She called me "dear" and noticed that I'd bought a Cosmo and that was her favorite mag. Mine, too!

One night two TS friends and I went out to Embers, a T-friendly night club. Like an idiot I wore a sweater and the place was crowded and hot. I was sweltering! One of my friend's wife had come along and she was wearing a slinky, black dress with a little, open-in-the-front jacket. I asked if I could borrow her jacket and she said sure. With her jacket in hand I headed towards the ladies room where there was a line about a mile long. So I just walked in and found myself a spot in the tiny restroom next to the hand dryer. I took off my sweater revealing my black, push-up bra. By this time I had enough boobs to have some cleavage.

Then someone says, "Look! She's doing it!" I turned to see a woman in a stall taking her top off, too! Apparently, she had the same idea, but her girlfriend convinced her to put her top back on! Next I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see a pretty, blonde woman. She asked if I would hold the stall door closed while she did her duty! (There were no locks on the doors) If I had any fears about not passing in the ladies room that experience banished them!

I find myself crying more as I become more emotional and processing my transsexuality. During these periods Tara's question is, "Why did you wait so long!" Had my ears pierced! It didn't hurt and I now have two pretty red studs adorning my ears.

3/30/98

It's been awhile! I got a job in January as a female! I work in the microfilm dept. of a large company. I'm accepted well and, except for two girls I told, I don't think anyone knows. The hormones are doing their magic! Working with females has refined my passibility and I'm virtually unreadable. When women start conversations with me while sitting in an adjacent stall in the ladies' room that's validating!

5/22/99

Had an interesting experience at my chiropractor's office! I called ahead of time and said I was coming in to purchase a back support pillow. They hadn't seen the new me yet. I walked in, there were lots of people and the receptionist (who's name is also Tara) glanced up at me, then went back to work. A few moments later she looked up again, stood up and said, "You're dressed like a woman!" I already had a big smile that turned into giggling. A man standing next to me jokingly said, "Doesn't everyone dress like that in the morning?" Tara put her hands on her hips and said, "I'm going to get the doctors!" A minute later she came back with the two chiropractors in tow and both looked at me with no reaction (that surprised me). One of them said, "I thought there was something different about you." Then my massage therapist came out, stood close to me and said, "The last time I gave you a massage I noticed you had breasts. I thought, there's something going on here." Just a little. I walked out with a huge smile and it was one of my more memorable experiences!

12/09/99

I know, it's been a long time since I've written anything. I have no excuse except that things have been happening so fast that I haven't had time to update my journal! My life has been going well overall and I've moved into a huge, two-story house with a trans sister in north Portland. My journal is now over fifty pages and I'm planning on writing a book after my surgery tentatively titled, "Who She Wants to Be, Diary of a Transsexual Woman"

2/07/00

Time to report in again!  My life has been having it's ups and downs (but who's doesn't?), but I wouldn't trade this life for my old one! I have degenerative disc disease in my spine and may need disc fusion surgery. Ugh! I have an August 8th, 2000 date for SRS with Dr. Preecha in Thailand. I chose him because it's only $5000—compared to $8000 to $20,000 in the US and Canada, plus I've never been to Thailand! Got the first of my required two letters recommending me for surgery.

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