What men really mean!
"I can't find it."
MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.
"That's
women's work."
MEANS: It's difficult, dirty and thankless.
"Will
you marry me?"
MEANS: Both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer and
there's no peanut butter left.
"It's
a guy thing."
MEANS: There's no rational thought pattern connected with it and you have
no chance at all of making it logical.
"Can
I help with dinner?"
MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table?
"It
would take too long to explain."
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.
"I'm
getting more exercise lately."
MEANS: The batteries in the remote are dead.
"We're
going to be late."
MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.
"Take
a break, honey, you're working too hard."
MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
"That's
interesting dear."
MEANS: Are you still talking?
"Honey,
we don't need material things to prove our love."
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.
"It's
a really good movie."
MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars and naked women.
"You
know how bad my memory is."
MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the address
of the first girl I kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every
car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
"Oh,
don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before
I admit I'm hurt!
"She's
one of those rabid feminists."
MEANS: She refused to make my coffee.
"I
heard you."
MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and hope I can fake
it well enough, so you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.
"You
really look terrific in that outfit!"
MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.
"I
brought you a present."
MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the ball game.
"I
missed you."
MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we're out
of toilet paper.
"I'm
not lost, I know exactly where we are."
MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.
"This
relationship is getting too serious."
MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.
"I
don't need to read the instructions."
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.
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