What Men Really Mean!

"I can't find it."
MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely
clueless.

"That's women's work."
MEANS: It's difficult, dirty and thankless.

"Will you marry me?"
MEANS: Both of my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer
and there's no peanut butter left.

"It's a guy thing."
MEANS: There's no rational thought pattern connected with it and you
have no chance at all of making it logical.

"Can I help with dinner?"
MEANS: Why isn't it already on the table?

"It would take too long to explain."
MEANS: I have no idea how it works.

"I'm getting more exercise lately."
MEANS: The batteries in the remote are dead.

"We're going to be late."
MEANS: I have a legitimate reason for driving like a maniac.

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
MEANS: I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

"That's interesting dear."
MEANS: Are you still talking?

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
MEANS: I forgot our anniversary again.

"It's really a good movie."
MEANS: It's got guns, knives, fast cars and naked women.

"You know how bad my memory is."
MEANS: I remember the words to the theme song of F-Troop, the
address of the first girl I kissed, and the vehicle identification number
of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.

"Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
MEANS: I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I
admit I'm hurt!

"She's one of those rabid feminists."
MEANS: She refused to make my coffee.

"I heard you."
MEANS: I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and hope I can
fake it well enough, so you don't spend the next three days yelling at me.

"You really look terrific in that outfit!"
MEANS: Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.

"I brought you a present."
MEANS: It was free ice scraper night at the ball game.

"I missed you."
MEANS: I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we're out
of toilet paper.

"I'm not lost, I know exactly where we are."
MEANS: No one will ever see us alive again.

"This relationship is getting too serious."
MEANS: I like you almost as much as I like my truck.

"I don't need to read the instructions."
MEANS: I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.

The Blank Stare

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