SRS in Montreal with Dr. Brassard | part 3 | Tara's Transgender Resources

SRS in Montreal with Dr. Brassard
part 3

Monday, March 26. Awoke at 6:00 am, took a pain pill and went back to bed. At 7:50 am I was awakened by the TV coming on and was bewildered for a few moments, then realized that was our wake-up call for breakfast at 8:00 am. A novel idea to be awakened by cartoons each morning! For breakfast I had peanut butter on toast, prune juice (I do like prune juice) and coffee. My air donut was needed for the dining table chairs, but not for the cushy couches and chairs. I chatted with some of the other patients for a couple hours, then went up to my room to rest. Lunch was veggie soup followed by chicken with gravy, rice and mixed vegetables. Got a call from Rachel who'd had her surgery last year (we'd met on IRC), then it was back to my room for more rest.

While I was lying in bed I reached down and felt my smooth crotch for the first time, I was finally free of that bump. Feeling better, I decided to take my first walk outside. I got my coat, gloves, camera, put on my shoes, went downstairs and told one of the nurse's aids I was going for a walk. As I headed for the door one called out in the distinctive French accent, "Don't go too far, you just had sur-ger-ree." It was cold and crisp outside. As I passed some people I noticed that I felt different psychologically. I didn't feel the separation I used to feel around women. I also felt more at ease with men, knowing I had nothing externally to connect me with the male sex.

Walking and getting out in the fresh air did me good and I felt better when I got back. Called Mom, Georgi and I got a call from Sarah, a good friend in Portland. That night three of us girls ended up in the bathroom together - showering, douching, chatting. It was powerful being together; three naked women, three sisters. If a male had accidentally walked in there would've been nothing to indicate weren't genetic females. I also noticed a change psychologically when I went to sleep, it was hard to describe, but the words that come to mind are "cleaner of thought" and "more vulnerable." (Something many trans women experience after starting hormones is the falling away of the male shell.)

Tired, sore and nauseous. Stopped the antibiotics at that point due to the nausea. For lunch a cheese omelet was prepared since the meal was spaghetti with meat sauce (I don't eat beef ), which helped settle my stomach. Dr. Brassard made his daily check. He said Dr. Menard would be here at 7:00 AM tomorrow to take out our catheters, stents and more stitches, which wouldn't be too soon since the restriction was causing us pulling and burning. Dinner was tuna salad, mashed potatoes and bread pudding. Later that evening, I came down to get a snack. The bread pudding was sitting out, so I asked the night aide if I could have a piece. She handed me the whole pan and said not to say anything, since we weren't supposed to have food in our rooms. For the next two days I had all the bread putting I could eat (I love bread pudding)!

Wednesday, March 28. At 7:00 am Dr. Menard arrived. Having the stent pulled out was a strange feeling. To have something pulled out of my vagina for the first time was almost indescribable! The catheter removal was painless. Peeing for the first time was another interesting experience, since there was no longer a tube (penis) for the urine to go through. The urine dribbled across my vagina and sometimes sprayed on my leg. Dr. Brassard said as I healed the urine stream would be directed out away from my genitals like a normal female.

A couple hours later a nurse came in to show me how to dilate. It was an interesting procedure. First was a douche with a mild solution of vinegar and water. Then I was to spray my genitals with warm water (that was what the spray bottle we were told to bring was for). The smallest stent [#1] that had been sitting in an antibacterial bath, was coated with lubricant and gently inserted until I felt pressure when it reached the back. Then it was the same procedure with the next larger [#2]. This was to be done every three hours for a total of five times a day. After the last dilation was another vinegar douche. We were also encouraged to take warm baths and put an antibiotic cream, like Polysporin, on our remaining stitches. Sometimes juggling dilation with eating and other activities was difficult and when some of the girls arrived late for meals we knew what they had been doing. Most of the rooms had cable TV which helped pass the time. The majority of the channels were in French. It was interesting seeing American soaps and Star Trek with French dubbing and American movies with French subtitles.

Lunch was delicious filet-of-sole in a tomato-herb sauce prepared by Ginette, salad and mixed veggies. After lunch I was chatting with a FTM who created original music on his computer and listened to some of his work he'd brought on a CD. I liked it. One of the many things that made my stay a wonderful experience was the camaraderie. There were always between 9 and 15 people there; common experiences and life stories to share. The nurses and their aides, at the hospital and residence, treated us very well. Our needs and concerns were responded to without hesitation, they were all friendly and easy to talk to and seemed to genuinely like us and their jobs. I never sensed in any of them that this was 'just a job.' One told me that we [transsexuals] frequently had a hard enough time, why make it any harder? Why, indeed.

Thursday, March 29. Went for a long walk across the two bridges and out to the main road. As I walked I noticed my gait was different. My steps were shorter and whereas before surgery I'd have to force a swaying of my hips, now it came naturally. Also, my pelvis was thrust forward in a more female manner. I walked along the road, breathing in the crisp air, looking at the signs in French and reveling in my new womanhood. There was nothing externally anymore that said I wasn't female. I felt complete.

Went into a convenience store and browsed and the magazine rack caught my eye. Most of the magazines were in French, but sitting next to a French Elle magazine was a Cosmopolitan in English. I giggled when I saw a French Archie comic book (used to read them as a child). I left the store and continued walking. As I past an old, wooden building a man stepped out holding a basket of freshly laid white and brown eggs and placed them in a cart. After about an hour I started to tire and headed back to the residence and got lost, but after retracing my route found my way. I felt refreshed and euphoric when I returned. Dinner was veggie soup, chicken pot pie, lettuce and carrot salad and Jell-O. My appetite was good from the walk and I happily devoured everything. After lunch Ginette, the staff manager, said she had some shopping to do tomorrow and asked if some of us would like to come along. Three other girls and I readily accepted. Called mom.

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