Friday, March 30, 8:00 am. Breakfast was oatmeal, toast with peanut butter and juice. Dilated. Went for another walk, but it'd turned cold and windy and I only made it to the end of the driveway and had to turn around. Lunch was cream of cauliflower soup and cheese and onion pizza. More dilating. Tried to write, but was too tired and rested. Dr. Brassard made his daily visit. When he looked at my vagina he exclaimed, "Wow!" I guess he was impressed with his work. I was too!. He pointed out my labia majora and labia minora and explained that as I healed the labia minora would spread apart to reveal my hooded clitoris. I thought to myself: this is wonderful!

At 3:30 pm we piled into Ginette's little red car and headed toward the shopping mall. It was nice to get dressed up, put on makeup and get out. But even more exciting was being out in public for the first time post-op. I felt confident and female. I was the same, yet different. We agreed to meet at a food court in a hour and a half. We started out as a group, but I soon began exploring on my own. The first thing that caught my eye was the beauty of the French-Canadian women (unfortunately, I couldn't bring one home with me), then the clothes. The European designs were exciting and colorful. I could have easily spent several hundred dollars on clothes and other things, but was on a tight budget and had to reluctantly restrict myself to window shopping. After an hour of browsing I was tired and sore and headed back to our meeting place in the food court. About 15 minutes later, I saw Ginette heading towards me and waved. We chatted for awhile until one of the other girls arrived with an arm load of bags. She'd done some shopping! We got ourselves some food and a few minutes later the other two girls returned. They were young and pretty and were turning heads and had the boys drooling. We finished eating and headed back to the residence.

Saturday, March 31. This was my last full day at the residence. My flight home tomorrow was at 7:00 am. It was a bittersweet day. I was sad I had to leave and had tears in my eyes when I came down for breakfast. I'd had a life-changing surgery, visited a new country, experienced a different culture, made new friends; it had been a wonderful experience! Asking Ginette if they needed another nurses aid, or helper, crossed my mind (I'd probably move to Canada in a heartbeat if I had the chance).

Spent the day chatting with my new friends and went for one more walk. Just as I started down the driveway Mona, a friend of one of the girls who'd also had her SRS, drove by and stopped. She was going to Walmart to pickup some things for her friend and asked if I wanted to come along. I said sure and got in. About 15 mins. later we arrived at Walmart and she was kind enough to loan me $40 in Canadian money (I'd forgotten my Canadian money at home and had to use the American money I'd brought for my prescriptions). I browsed a little and bought comfy cotton jammies and a sleeveless knit top. It made my day. She drove back to the residence and I got her address to send her money when I got back to Portland. That evening I did some packing, dilated one more time and tried to get some sleep. I had to ask for a sedative or I would've probably never gotten to sleep.

Sunday, April 1. Going home. At 4:15 am Margaret, the night nurse's aid, woke me up. I finished packing and headed downstairs. Four people had gotten up to see me off. I had enough time to eat a bowl of oatmeal and drink a cup of coffee. Margaret got out a Polaroid camera and took my picture - everyone who stays at the residence and has had surgery gets their picture taken for the residence's photo album. At the bottom of my photo I wrote,"Tara Taylor, March 22, 2001. A wonderful experience!" 4:50 am the limo arrives to take me to the airport. I hug everyone goodbye, my bags are put in and I'm off. I tried to hold back tears on the way to the airport.

At the airport Mr. Clerk gets my bags, we say goodbye and I head toward the terminal. Everything went smooth until the $10 airport tax. I'd forgotten about that and didn't have any money! I could go no further. I turned around, but was stopped by a security guard and told to go back. I head back to the counter and explain my situation to the woman and was about to ask if I could use a phone. I figured I could call the residence and have someone bring money. Then a woman ahead of me said she would pay for me. I thanked her profusely and headed toward the boarding gate.

The flights back to Portland were uneventful, there was a layover in Chicago and I slept some of the way. When I arrived in Portland, Georgi was waiting to give me a ride home. I told her I'd changed my mind and had it sewn back on.

There was a problem: - my luggage had gone to Phoenix! We went to the lost luggage office, an employee checked my claim number and said my suitcase had already been put on a flight back to Portland and would arrive in a couple hours. Georgi and I left with plans of coming back later. On the way we brainstormed about what I could use to dilate. She said she might have a dildo and some lube, but when we got to her house she couldn't find it. So, we decided on a candle (Dr. Preecha gives his patients candles for dilators). It was smaller than my smallest stent, but would have to do. She also found a tube of Astro-Lube and drove me home. I tried dilating with the candle, but it was too small, though I figured it was better than nothing.

The time for the airline to call when my bags arrived came and went, so I tried calling their 800 number. I was connected to a stupid voice-recognition computer that worked for a bit, but couldn't understand me and got stuck. I called their international reservations number, got a human being, told him my situation and was put on hold ... indefinitely. Then I called their domestic reservations number and again explained what had happened and stressed that I'd just had surgery and there were medical devices in my bag. This time the guy was more helpful. He called the airline's local counter in Portland and said my bags would be delivered before midnight. At 10:30 pm my luggage was at delivered and my dilators and I were reunited!

36 days post-op. How am I doing? I still have some pain and tire easily, but it's lessening. Some days I have more energy than others, but overall my energy is increasing. What have I noticed since the surgery? I would say the main thing is I feel complete. When I look in a mirror I see who I'm supposed to be. I'm also more confident and more comfortable around women and men. Even though with tucking there was nothing to see, just knowing I have a vagina makes me feel more confident, and being completely nude in women's locker rooms and public hot tubs, and not have to hide to change are nice.

Complications

About six months after surgery I developed complications. I noticed a steady decrease in sensitivity of my vagina. I saw several doctors, including Dr. Meltzer who found a plastic object in my vagina that had been in there since my surgery! It was white, about an inch long. Dr. Meltzer said it was probably a hypodermic needle cap and, though a foreign object, had done no harm. After seeing several more doctors, a neurologist said the most likely cause of the sensitivity loss was scarring around the nerve bundles. I emailed Dr. Brassard and he confirmed that as a likely cause. I've now lost 80% of the sensitivity I had after surgery.

Was there something that happened during surgery that lead to loss of sensation? That remains unanswered. Any major surgery carries the risk of complications. I did notice the surgeries had an assembly-line aspect, in that, one person would get her surgery then an hour later another girl would go under the knife. However, most of Dr. Brassard's patients report good sensitivity.

Post-op photos
Depth and shrinkage
Letter from Dr. Brassard of gender change

Q: How much pain was there?

It was less painful than I expected. I was off morphine shots in a day and a half and switched to pills. I was tender and sore for a month, but the pain subsided daily and was definitely less painful than my back surgery.

Q: How long did you have to wear pads?

Until the discharge from my vagina stopped. There's a normal sloughing from the neo-vagina after surgery and stopped in a month. I still wore panty liners when I rode my bicycle for a few weeks more. I also needed my donut for a couple months when riding in a car or bus, or sitting on a hard seat. I still wear panty liners sometimes when I go bike riding.

Q: Can you orgasm and how is it different from male orgasm?

Yes, I can orgasm. Not having the male ejaculatory system is interesting and makes multiple orgasms not only easier, but more intense that shake my whole body. The sensation that would've been from the ejaculatory system is "recycled" into another orgasm and another.

Q: When did dilating stop being painful?

It never was very painful, as long as I took it easy and kept on schedule. What pain there was gradually decreased over a few months.

Q: Anything you don't like after SRS?

Yes. My lack of strength. Obviously, my muscle mass had decreased substantially during HRT, but I've become weaker since SRS - more than I'd like. I can no longer lift things that I used to be able to and it's affected my guitar playing. I have to do regular strength-training to play guitar adequately.

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